I wanted to write you sooner but I've been particularly busy. We seem to have a lot of people from the church in the hospital lately. Yesterday I stood by with the family of one of our church members as she slipped away from this life in her sleep. My next visit was to another hospital to visit a young couple who had just welcomed their first child into the world. What a contrast! And how glad I was that I made the visits in the order I did!

I suspect the new parents I just visited will be grappling with the role of God in their lives in a fresh way before their child's ready for pre-school. Some parents take the position that they won't give any specific instruction on religion or God, that the child can make those choices later. It’s strange that they feel it’s their responsibility to teach a small child love and respect for creatures and other people but not for God.

I suspect that in most cases the vacuum of any spiritual atmosphere in the home is the result of a lack of attention to the things of God by the parents rather than a conscious and deliberate choice they've made to keep their child neutral about God. We can choose to ignore or be lax about our own relationship with God, but when we realize we're responsible for raising a child such choices have greater ramifications.

Parents, and grandparents, want their little ones to develop values, yet this can be nearly impossible to do unless there’s a belief in God whose personal holiness trickles down to a set of concrete human values. Spiritual dysfunction in the home leaves children adrift in moral relativism, where nothing can be said for sure to be right or wrong. We can argue with our children that cheating is wrong, but when they see a fellow student get a good grade with less studying and a little cheating they may not see it as wrong. What is right easily becomes defined by the pragmatism of what works. Who's to say that Mom’s or Dad's opinion, or that of Grandpa or Grandma for that matter, is the right opinion?

A child needs to know that there are God-derived values that are non-negotiable. My wife and I remember the time our son Dan, then sixteen, wanted to drive several hours to visit a girl he was serious about. His mother and I had concerns that prompted us to tell him he couldn't go. Of course he was upset. The dark and stormy clouds of a teenager with an attitude hung heavy in the home.

That evening during our devotional time the Bible reading happened to be out of the book of Proverbs, where it says that a young man ought to obey his father and mother and take to heart their advice. The next day Dan told his mother that he wasn't mad, just disappointed. She told him she appreciated the fact that he didn't argue with us or press the issue. He replied, "I can't argue with the Bible."

Of course a parent can't come out of the blue with some command from God that just happens to back up the parent's position while putting the child in his place. Developing a child’s respect for God’s will in the matters of everyday life is a long-term process.

Teaching our children about God’s commands should be only one facet of a full-dimensional experience of a relationship with God. The child must also grow up knowing that God loves, forgives, protects, and guides, and that God gives all the benefits of a personal relationship beyond measure.

The best way to communicate values to a child is to help that child develop a relationship with the giver of all values: God. But we adults can’t give the child what we ourselves do not have. Children are quick to pick up on hypocrisy. In the realm of faith, just like in any other area, the command to "do as I say, not as I do" carries little weight. A faith in the God of all values is more caught than it is taught. Sometimes it takes a little child to lead us to the point where we decide to make God the most important part of our lives.

I need to go now. Diann wants me to build a storage room in the corner of our garage. I’m going to get my tape measure, a pencil, and paper and start doing some figuring. And another adventure in home improvement begins!

A fellow seeker after truth,
Dave