Cirino doesn’t speak English, and I don’t speak Spanish — and therein lies the problem. Cirino is the hired man who works with our daughter Julie and her husband Victor at Refuge Ranch in Mexico. He does a lot of things, including milking the cow. One day the cow unleashed itself from its leash, so Cirino was chasing it around, trying to catch it. I tried to communicate to him that he was doing it all wrong. Holding on to the tail of a running cow won’t stop it! I eventually stopped the cow by getting in front of it and waving my arms. This was just one of many times when my attempts to work with Cirino have been difficult because we speak different languages.
You don’t have to be speaking different languages to be speaking a different language. Take the circuit-riding preacher who was selling his horse. A man took the horse for a test ride to see whether or not he wanted to buy it. The preacher told the man, “This is a religious horse, so to make him go, instead of saying “Giddy up!” you say “Praise the Lord!” — and to get him to stop, you say “Amen.”
The man got onto the horse and the preacher reminded him of the proper commands. The man said “Praise the Lord!” and the horse took off. The man loved the way the horse ran and had decided to buy it when he saw a cliff coming up fast, so he pulled on the horse’s reins and said, “Whoa, whoa!” — but the horse wouldn’t stop! He was quickly approaching the edge of the cliff when he finally remembered what to say and yelled, “Amen! Amen!”. The horse screeched to a halt with its front hooves right on the edge of the cliff! The man leaned forward, peeked over the edge of the cliff to the bottom far below, wiped his brow, and exclaimed, “Praise the Lord!”
You see, you don’t have to be speaking a different language to be speaking a different language! Whether or not we realize it, we often speak languages that are different from the ones used by the people we’re trying to communicate with, work with, live with, and have leisure time with. (Here I give credit to Gary Chapman, who wrote a best-selling book called The Five Love Languages. He identified five different ways people relate to each other.)

A Short Quiz
Take this short five-question quiz. Which of the five statements to you relate to the most?
1. I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me and for the simple, everyday things I do.
2. I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.
3. I feel especially loved when someone brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love.
4. I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands or doing my household chores.
5. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through physical contact. (www.lovelanguages.com)
Which statement best describes you? That statement represents your love language.
Following are the five love languages stated briefly, corresponding with the five statements above.
1. Affirmation: Some people appreciate words of praise most of all, including a written note of appreciation or thanks.
2. Quality time: Some people just want to spend time with another person, talking and doing things together.
3. Receiving gifts: Some people enjoy receiving gifts, because they know the person spent time, money, and effort to give them the gift.
4. Acts of service: Some people appreciate help most of all: someone lending them a hand or doing them a favor.
5. Physical touch: Some people like a pat on the back, a firm handshake, a hug, or sexual intimacy (which is for marriage).
We feel connected in a positive way to another person and feel loved when that person communicates to us using our love language. (By the way, we tend to connect with others by using our own love language. This is where trouble comes in, because we may not have the same love language as the other person. The other person will also tend to use his own love language, which may not connect with us.)

Jesus Heals Differently
Because people are so different, we have to relate to different people in different ways. Jesus did this. I’ve chosen three historical accounts of Jesus’ healing people of blindness to show you how differently Jesus related to different people. How many ways are there to heal a blind man? Let us count the ways — three ways, to be specific — that Jesus did that.
The first case is found in Matthew 9: “As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, ‘Have mercy on us, Son of David!’ When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, . . .” (Matthew 9:27-28) Note that the blind men were aggressive with Jesus: they followed Him into a house and even called out to Him. Apparently Jesus played a little hard to get in this case.
The second case is from Mark 8: “They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. . . .” (Mark 8:22-23) Jesus led the man out of town. Imagine Jesus holding the man’s hand, leading him down the road.
The third case is from John 9: “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.” (John 9:1) In this case Jesus found the man instead of the man’s following Him or being brought to Him by friends, as happened in the other two cases.
Now for the really big difference in the three stories.
In the first case, “. . . he touched their eyes and said, ‘According to your faith will it be done to you’; and their sight was restored. . . .” (Matthew 9:29-30)
In the second case, “. . . When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, ‘Do you see anything?’ He looked up and said, ‘I see people; they look like trees walking around.’ Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.” (Mark 8:23-25)
In the third case, “. . . he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. ‘Go,’ he told him, ‘wash in the Pool of Siloam’ (this word means Sent). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.” (John 9:6-7)
Jesus used a different technique to get the same results in all three cases. We don’t know why; the text doesn’t explain His reasons. However, the point is that He healed the men!

Jesus Used All Five Love Languages
Jesus used all five love languages to relate to people. Presumably He used the language that each person could best relate to.
1. Affirmation: When Jesus asked His disciples who they thought He was, Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” (Matthew 16:16) Jesus replied with a wonderful affirmation: “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 16:17) Jesus praised and affirmed Peter.
2. Quality time: “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’” (Mark 6:31) Jesus wanted to give the disciples time with Him and with each other.
3. Receiving gifts: “. . . the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28) Jesus has given us the greatest gift of all time: salvation.
4. Acts of service: “so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with a towel that was wrapped around him.” (John 13:4-5) Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, a real act of serving them.
5. Physical touch: Lepers in Jesus’ day were considered unclean. People were not to go near them, let alone touch them. Imagine how long it had been since a leper had felt a human touch. “A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, ‘If you are willing, you can make me clean.’ Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.” (Mark 1:40-42) Jesus touched the man while he was still a leper! I suspect that Jesus’ touch healed more than the man’s skin!

Miscommunication with a Love Language
Jesus related to people in the best way for each of them. However, we aren’t as good at that! If two people with different love languages try to relate to each other, they often have trouble. It’s as if we’re speaking different languages! A man gives his buddy two free tickets to a game, but the friend would rather have him come over and help him work on his car. His friend uses the language of gifts, but he prefers the language of service, so things don’t quite click. Two women are friends; when one is sick the other sends her a nice get-well card because she herself enjoys the love language of affirmation. However, her friend doesn’t appreciate the card as much as she would have appreciated a hot meal delivered for her family. She did that for her friend when she was sick, because she prefers the love language of service.
A husband thinks he shows love to his wife by providing for her and keeping up the yard and home repairs. That makes sense to him, because he has the language of service. However, his wife doesn’t feel loved — because her language is quality time, or maybe it’s affirmation.
A wife’s idea of a romantic weekend away is long walks and talks, because her love language is quality time or affirmation. The husband’s idea of a romantic weekend is lots of physical intimacy, because his language is physical touch.
Isn’t this is complicated? It gets more so!

Different Dialects
People can have the same love language and still not communicate with each other because they have different dialects of the same love language. For instance, two wives both have the love language of gifts: they like to receive gifts. One husband gives his wife a new washing machine, and she says, “A washing machine? That’s so practical!” She was hoping for a diamond bracelet that she had shown him in the jewelry store window. Another husband gives his wife a diamond bracelet, and she responds, “A diamond bracelet? I can’t wash clothes with a diamond bracelet! I’ve been going to the laundromat for months! I need a washing machine!”
One woman says to her friend, “Let’s go shopping,” because she has the love language of quality time. Her friend isn’t very excited about shopping. “Why don’t we bake holiday cookies at my house?” she replies, which doesn’t appeal to the other woman. They both want to give a gift of quality time, but one likes to shop and the other likes to bake.
This gets very complicated, doesn’t it? We can (and do) have different love languages, and even if we have the same love language as someone else we may be speaking a different dialect!
Remember the Old Testament story of the Tower of Babel? All the people of the world spoke one language until they tried to do a massive building project for all the wrong reasons. Then God introduced different languages so they couldn’t all communicate, and we’ve been dealing with that issue ever since, including Cirino and me — and what’s even more frustrating, with my son-in-law Victor.
Our relationships with friends, church folk, children, parents, mates, co-workers, and everyone else are complicated by the fact that we speak different love languages. We live our lives in the shadow of another Tower of Babel: the confusion of different love languages.

A Plan of Action
Just as everyone has a unique fingerprint, we need to be uniquely loved — and we need to personalize our love to others. First we must realize that we speak different love languages; that’s a big, big start, because those differences can cause a lot of problems.
Second, we need to recognize that this is part of God’s divine plan. It’s a positive thing, not a negative. If it were simple to relate to and get along with other people, there wouldn’t be a cost or sacrifice; we wouldn’t have to really understand the other person. Trying to do all of that is what really shows love.
Third, we need to try to understand the love language of the other person and to use some of that language instead of just the one we prefer. That’s love!
Fourth, if we’re close to the other person we should to try to communicate what our love language is, to help them understand us.
Fifth, we should accept the other person’s expression of love when he uses his own love language, even though it’s not our favorite language.

Speaking different languages such as English, Spanish, French, or German can be a real barrier, but that isn’t the only problem we face. Love languages are a similar barrier. However, it’s possible to break through the love language barrier if we have the desire and love to do that! Jesus said to love the people around us as much as we love ourselves. Working through the issue of different love languages can go a long way toward doing that!